Win a Chamois Butt’r Swag Bag and CrossVegas VIP Ticket by Entering Our Contest: Results and Week 2 Question

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CLIF® Bar CrossVegas, Chamois Butt’r and Cyclocross Magazine have teamed up to give you 10 chances to win a CrossVegas and Chamois Butt’r swag bag, and a chance at our grand prize. In the next 10 weeks, we’ll have weekly contests for the prize packs, and at the end of the 10 weeks, one of our winners will be selected at random for the grand prize, so make sure you enter every week for a chance to win big!

Your second challenge: How do you explain (politely!) chamois cream to non-cyclists? Entering is easy: just leave your answer (preferably hilarious) in the comments section below!

Last week’s winner was Chris Jensen who answered he’d like to see Vladimir Putin race CrossVegas.

Why? “I want to see Vladimir Putin race. Because after wrestling a bear to the death, finding ancient ruins on the bottom of the Black Sea, defeating Chuck Norris in a martial arts tournament, beating Barack Obama at nuclear brinksmanship and making democracy cower in fear with a single brush of his steely gaze (his eyeballs are actually made of steel, if you were wondering), the only thing left for him is to best Sven Nys at bicycles on a soccer field in Las Vegas.”

A few of our other favorites included:

“I’d like to see Chewbacca race CrossVegas.  First off, not that many Wookies race cross, which I find rather odd since coming from the planet Kashyyk the environment is well suited for cross training.  I think that he’d be able to bunnyhop any of the the barriers w/ ease.  Also if he had any bike issues he could easily fix the bike (seriously, we’ve seen him work on that bucket of bolts that did the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs) perhaps even while riding it.  Lastly, I know he would win since the other racers would let the Wookie win for fear of having their arms pulled out of their sockets. I’m not saying Chewie would do, I’m just saying…” -jsraindancer

“I really, really, really really, really, really want to see Sven Nys race there. Oh wait—he is!!!” -tpalmer

“I want to see my wife race. Maybe then she will see how much fun it is and how excrutiatingly hard it can be. Maybe then she will stop poking fun at me for being so lousy at ’cross.” -weiserst

So many great responses—keep ‘em coming!

Weekly winners will be selected by a distinguished panel of judges (Brook Watts, CrossVegas Promoter; Andrew Yee, Cyclocross Magazine Publisher; Molly Hurford, Cyclocross Magazine Managing Editor). If you enter 9 of the 10 contests in the next 10 weeks, you’ll be eligible for the random draw at the end of the contest for the Grand Prize, which includes a CrossVegas jersey signed by the race winner. The field includes current World Champion Sven Nys, so you can place your bets on who will be signing it …

10 Weekly Prizes will Include:

  • VIP CrossVegas Ticket
  • 1 Tube of Chamois Butt’r (Choice of Original, Her’ or Eurostyle)
  • 1 Bottle Eurostyle Sports Skin Wash
  • 1 Bottle Eurostyle Sports Kit Wash
  • 1 Jar Eurostyle Embrocation (warm or hot)
  • Total = $145 Retail
  • For more information on the products, visit  www.chamoisbuttr.com

The Grand Prize:

Boulder Colorado artist Zach Lee of Zach Lee Designs comes up with another stunning CLIF® Bar CrossVegas jersey design produced by Vermarc Sportswear.  2013 is the sixth year Lee has contributed the winner's jersey design and with this year's version he gives a nod to the retro design of the past with bold diagonal lines as well as acknowledging the time-honored racer superstition of pinning the number 13 upside-down.

Zach Lee Designs made the CLIF® Bar CrossVegas jersey, produced by Vermarc Sportswear. This year, he gives a nod to the retro design of the past and acknowledges the time-honored racer superstition of pinning the number 13 upside-down.

  • CrossVegas jersey signed by the race winner
  • VIP CrossVegas Ticket
  • 2 year digital subscription to Cyclocross Magazine
  • Chamois Butt’r Jersey
  • Chamois Butt’r Bib
  • Chamois Butt’r Cycling Cap
  • Chamois Butt’r Mussette Bag
  • Chamois Butt’r T-shirt
  • Chamois Butt’r Trucker Hat
  • Copy of Mud, Snow and Cyclocross
  • Total: Priceless! (but the Chamois Butt’r gear has an MSRP of $238)

Submissions are due Friday, July 12th and a winner will be announced next Monday.

Official Rules:
No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Contest will run from July 1 until July 5, 2013. All participants must be 18 years or older. Only US residents are eligible for the prizes from CrossVegas and Chamois Butt’r (sorry!). No purchase necessary. To enter, leave your response in the comments below.  One entry per person. Winners will be selected and notified via email. Cyclocross Magazine, 650 Castro St, Suite 120-291 Mountain View, CA 94041.

 

 

Cyclocross Magazine, Issue 22, Print and digital subscriptionsHave you subscribed yet? You're missing out if not. Get all-original content and your cyclocross fix throughout the year with a subscription and Issue 23 back copy, with features on Lars van der Haar, Jonathan Page, Elle Anderson and more!
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25 comments
Dennis Starkey
Dennis Starkey

Raw beef- tartar, raw fish- sushi, raw cheeks- painful, Chamois Butt'r- priceless

Scotty0n0
Scotty0n0

The friction coefficient of spandex becomes nominal at the dermal layer when activities produce .0035om static charge thereby raising the follicles to a statistically significant level. At this level discomfort is generally introduced at the .0049om charge level. At the .0054om level of charge, the f~ coefficient increases exponentially at a rate of .034 * 3_i. Superficial abrasion to the dermal layer typically occurs at .007om charge. Such abrasion has been known to have a detrimental effect on cyclists: decreasing speed, increasing heart rate, increasing levels of endorphins and over taxing the cardiovascular system. In order to reduce the friction coefficient a lubrication layer can be introduced. An effective reduction in static charge is achieved at .3mm. A product like chamois butt'r has been developed to accommodate this need. - I know, I'm an engineer.

McComisky
McComisky

No it is not the kind of Butter you spread on your breakfast toast, is is for spreading on your butt to prevent a rawhide.

nabsw
nabsw

Invented by Pierre-Louise Creme de Chamois in 1832, chamois butt'r was initially used to reduce friction and speed the delivery of cannonballs from a cannon bore. It was on a reconnaissance ride from Paris to Nice several years later, that after lathering his derriere in his anti-friction cream (for purposes unbeknownst to historians alike), Pierre-Louise discovered his formula prevented chaffing while on mounted horseback. This event simultaneously marked the invention of its use as a preventative against saddle sores and the first Paris-Nice.

theboucher
theboucher

Chamois cream is a sweetened paste comprised of chocolate and hazelnuts. When applied liberally to the nether regions, it does a marvelous job of preventing irritation and chafing between shorts and skin. This is especially helpful on rainy/humid days or on long rides. It also pairs wonderfully with sliced bananas in a crepe topped with confectionary sugar.

willbenton
willbenton

You know how babies need diaper cream to act as a barrier between their skin and soggy pants?  Well, babies grow up to be adults.  Most adults no longer have problem with soiling themselves, but some develop a new problem involving regularly spending time wearing tight pants and sitting on a hard saddle for hours at a time in rain, mud, snow, or intense heat.  Chamois cream basically solves that problem, just like diaper cream solves the other problem.

BrianBressler
BrianBressler

Imagine the fun you had on a hot, sweaty day in the backyard slopping around on the slip-n-slide with the sprinkler.  Now takeaway the sprinkler…and the plastic slide.  Ouch.  

goggles_pizano
goggles_pizano

Unless your cycling shorts have a chamois that is as soft as a prom queen's thigh and a slippery as a snake in a bathtub full of  butter, you're going to need a lubricant to reduce the friction that occurs at the junction where man and machine meet. Chamois cream is one of many possible lubricants and is usually the easiest to clean up.

weiserst
weiserst

I quit with the polite explanation. My current explanation that gets the point across. You take a glob in your hand and schmear it all over the business and ahhhh the cream, you gotta love the cream! They have a European cream style that has a certain (do a whole body shiver )woooo!

Death Touch Cross
Death Touch Cross

Chamois creme? You ever go skinny-dipping? Yeah, s'like that.

BenColeman1
BenColeman1

Due to our above-the-knee, skin-tight shorts, you may think cyclists enjoy having something white and creamy made by someone else slathered all over our crotches... and you're right, we need it... soooo badly!!

bog5000
bog5000

Chamois cream : biker's ass Vaseline : hollowed out loaf of bread

msbuschlen
msbuschlen

Better a buttered muffin for breakfast than burnt toast at bedtime. Slippery cheeks are better than a chapped ass!

krisdrum
krisdrum

Ask any New Yorker, you never eat a bagel plain.  Always butt'r (cream cheese) your bagel folks. 

danport11
danport11

To explain to a non cyclist the reasoning behind chamois cream, is as if a magician were to give away his secrets.  The Mystical wonderment of how you can manage to perch you body atop such a small sliver of varying materials for such long periods of time day after day can only be attributed to one thing.  Sure some will ride all day sans chamois cream but they have butt calluses. I prefer the unblemished butt finish i was made with.  To achieve this,  i ease the friction with chamois cream.  It helps keep my butt happy, so I can make my legs very angry.

 

herdingbats
herdingbats

"When a person and a bicycle love each other very much, they spend a lot of time together, and they rub certain of their parts together. Sometimes, a little extra moisturizer and lubrication makes things more... pleasurable."

lsmithiv
lsmithiv

Imagine you have two options:

A) A nice comfortable day with no lingering nether-regional repercussions afterward, or

B) Dragging your 'taint across 50 yards of 100-grit sand paper and then sitting in a pool of salty sweat.

 

The only thing you have to do to achieve option A is apply some cream down there. Which way to you ride?

grocerystorebar
grocerystorebar

"WOULD YOU LEAVE THE MAYO OFF YOUR GRILLED CHEESE? YEAH I WOULDN'T EITHER"

pdmarion
pdmarion

It keeps you from getting the crotch-rot... Don't ride your bike without it!

BryanG
BryanG

Well, see, you always need some cushin' when you're pushin' the pedals.  Chamois creme is like the milk of unicorns, used solely to protect your giblets from friction during long or hard rides.

 

Always remember: chamois creme, THEN embrocation (which is like a magical no-more-pain rub for your legs).  Never reverse that sequence, unless you want to feel the pain of 1,000 fires.

AnthonyBursey
AnthonyBursey

A chamois without cream is like shaving without foam. Ouch!

AKLoy
AKLoy

Cycling for great distances can leave you like a piece of dry toast in Texas...hot, and awkward. Don't let your butt be that toast. Put some butter on it!

mscammon
mscammon

It's sort of like what you spread on your toast in the morning, only we smear it in our shorts—and it's not edible.

jsraindancer
jsraindancer

Working @ an outdoor store, (a nationwide cooperative that deals w/ recreational equipment) I've had to explain it to non-cyclists this way, "It's a personal lube, if you will, that will make your riding for hours on end that more enjoyable. (insert smirk, raised eyebrow & a twinkle in the eye)"  Then I break it down like this, "It's as if a barrier comes between you and the friction of your cycling shorts, or any other short for that matter.  For a personal lube it's not greasy at all, works well no matter what the elements are thrown onto it, think of it as moleskin for hikers.  I've also known folks who'll do tri's or adventure racing & use that in a pinch for their running shoes or wetsuits."  

 

And if they still need some clarification I just break it down so that it's simple, " Do you remember the National Lampoons Christmas Vacation? Ya remember when Clark put that "noncaloric, silicone based kitchen lubricant" stuff on his sled & went flying down the hill, through that outhouse, then through the town & had sparks flying everywhere?  Yuuup, that's how it'll be when you've got your tail end cover ed in Chamois Butt'r...  minus the saddle sores & the sparks."

ChristopherTuma
ChristopherTuma

Cross A little longer.  Viva Chamois Butt'r.  Mountain bike A little harder,  that saddle is not going to get softer.  Viva Bike Vegas, Gran Fondo.  Do not put it on the saddle of your Pinarello.  Smear it on your chamois and do not wear panties.  There is no cream that lasts longer and keeps your butt softer.  Everybody VIVA CHAMOIS BUTT'R.

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